


Coffee, Cookies, and Basic Extraplanar Physics

by CurlicueCal, LaughingStones



Series: Shadowbound AU [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Humanstuck, M/M, Soul Bond, magic as science, shadows as daemons/familiars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlicueCal/pseuds/CurlicueCal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Jane… hired you.”</p><p>Not the first time he’d caught that thought from a customer, but the first time it had been said straight out to his face.  Gamzee tilted his head and smiled.  Kurloz licked one tendril out, down to the floor by the brother’s shoes.</p><p>-----</p><p>In which Dirk and Gamzee fail to burn down Jane's bakery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee, Cookies, and Basic Extraplanar Physics

Gamzee’s second stint at the register went marginally better than the first.  Or at least, no one had run out of the bakery in a panic, and he thought it fair to count that success.  

He didn’t have much time to fret over it when Jane had pushed him out to the counter so she could run around back to argue with the delivery trucks.  For a while it was nice and quiet in the empty shop. The lunch rush was over and Gamzee had plenty of time to chill all up in his head space while his shadow-bro sorta lazed across the counter like he couldn’t do if Jane was watching.  

Kurloz was bored, and when the first customer walked in the shop she hesitated just inside the door.  Gamzee gave her a beatific smile, unbothered by the prickly feeling his shadow-brother was putting out.  Jane had given it to him in all full clarity that the most important part of this cashiering business was to be greeting customers all friendly like and making them feel welcomed.  

The lady picked out her box of croissants quickly, shivering as she brushed shadows with Gamzee while handing over the money.  Kurloz didn’t nip none, though, so Gamzee didn’t scold.  She hurried out again pretty quick, but she nodded at Gamzee before she left.

A couple more customers came and went, and even though they seemed disinclined to linger, Gamzee figured he was doing all right.  Compared to last time, anyway.

 _Motherfuckers are powerful skittish up in these parts,_ Kurloz muttered at the back of Gamzee’s head.   _Can’t help if they take the slightest breath as a threat.  Shouldn’t be getting all up in your space anyways._

 _Pretty sure the fucker was just getting his flirt on, bro_ , Gamzee said peaceably.

_If he didn’t have the guts to stand up to a little fear-spinning he wasn’t worth much to start with._

Gamzee just chuckled under his breath and went back to leaning on the counter, trying to think of a rhyme for croissant.

The quiet in the shop was broken up by the chime of the door again.  Kurloz rippled to attention, dark shape of him flowing back to curl around Gamzee.  It was none too hard to tell what made him take notice.  This customer had an odd taste to his shadow-brother, jangly enough that Gamzee could feel it right across the room.  Set his teeth on edge with the not-wanting to be near it.  Kinda interesting actually.  He’d never met another shadow that strong before.

“Hey, my brother, you looking for a pie today?” Gamzee offered.

The motherfucker in the door looked close to Gamzee’s age, maybe an older student wandered over from campus.  He had spiky blond hair, a bland expression, and some bitchtits pointy shades on.  He reached up to adjust them so he could look out at Gamzee over top of them. Gamzee couldn’t catch a glimpse of his shadow anywhere he looked; it seemed to be all tucked away unusual tight.  But motherfuck could he feel it.  Kurloz stirred restlessly, little tendrils curling onto the counter like to slip over and find him out.

The brother’s eyes looked sharp at Gamzee, but his face was a pleasantly neutral mask.  “I can’t say pie was on my list, no.”

Aww, but pie, Gamzee wanted to say.  But he’d had it learned to him firm not to argue with the customers.  Suggesting was alright, though.  “Cupcakes?  Cookies?  Scones?  The apple turnovers are wicked fine this afternoon.”

 _Blueberry muffins_ , Kurloz muttered, _but don’t say it.  They’re too fine for a freak ass static-y hidden motherfucker like that.  He’s jarring the whole room, the way his notes all sing back dissonance at each other._

Gamzee let his smile widen a little, but kept quiet.  It _was_ a kind of static-y feeling, now he thought of it, that the brother’s shadow had.  But people got all strange when Gamzee flapped his trap too much about the noises their shadows made in his head.  Wasn’t always clear to him what parts he was meant to be hearing and what parts most folk couldn’t.

The silence stretched.

“My brother?” Gamzee asked, when it occurred to him he should fill it.

“I was just wondering if you were going to list the rest of the shop’s stock.”

“Sure, bro, I can do that if that’d put the ease on you for deciding.”

The brother didn’t react outwardly, but Gamzee felt the flicker of amusement from the hidden shadow-bro.  He got the sense of something being said but it was still too far away and curled in tight for him to make out clear.  Might be just as well.  Noises aside, one thing he knew for damn sure was that no one appreciated it if Gamzee let on to hearing what all their shadows went and _said_.

“Tempting.”  The brother drifted closer and seemed to be getting on his inspection of the whorls and pools Kurloz made on the counter.  Silently Gamzee up and reminded his shadow-bro to play nice, don’t get all territorial with customers.  “But actually I’m here to talk to the owner.  Is Jane around?”

“Oh, sorry, bro, she’s wicked hung up in the back getting her argue on.  The delivery folk got her order all fucked up.”

“Mm.  Guess I’ll wait.”  He stepped up to the counter, bringing his jangly folded in shadow with him and of a sudden, Kurloz rose up to loom dark on the wall behind Gamzee.  Tendrils of shade swept across the counter and stopped barely short of the edge.

Gamzee blinked, perplexed.

It wasn’t possible to tell if Pointy-Shades blinked back, but by the angle of his head he fixed Gamzee with a cool staredown.  He tilted his head slightly to consider the black shape taking up most of the counter. Very precisely, he leaned one elbow on the tiny clear space Kurloz had left.  “So.  How about that menu?”

Gamzee perked up and cheerfully reeled off the full inventory.  He paid little heed to his shadow-brother angrily prickling at the back of his head, spilling his discontent all out into the room.

 _Yeah, you really showed him, bro,_ the other brother’s shadow whispered.   _Cashier intimidation level at 100%.  Maybe next we can go shake down some girl scouts._

Kurloz snorted.  Pointy-Shades had acquired a bit of an expression.  His lips were tight and turned down a degree at the corners.  Motherfucker needed cheering up.

Girls scouts, Gamzee mused idly. Cookies.  Had he mentioned…?  “Hey, we got spice cookies Jane ain’t put out yet.  Ginger and clove and baked fresh this morning.  Motherfucking delicious.”  

“Spice cookie,” the brother said.  “Fine.”  And then, looking a bit abashed: “That would be nice, thanks.”

“Coming right at you, bro.  You want I hot it up?”

Brief silence.  “...Yes. Thank you.  Could I get a coffee with that?”

“No problem, my fine motherfucker.”  Gamzee grabbed the cup to pour from the coffee pot.

“Jane… hired you.”

Not the first time he’d caught that thought from a customer, but the first time it had been said straight out to his face.  Gamzee tilted his head and smiled.  Kurloz licked one tendril out, down to the floor by the brother’s shoes.

Must have read a bit too much like encroachment, because there was a shivery sort of feeling as the jangly noise of that staticy shadow fell all into tune.  It felt like glass shards flowing together to a single point, all sharp and readiness.  None too clear what the purpose behind it was.

Gamzee lifted his head to glance over the counter, casting a watchful eye, but the brother looked calm still, had no fear nor aggression to see.  He hadn’t even stepped clear from Kurloz.

Shrugging internally, Gamzee turned to the microwave and slid the warm cookie into a paper sleeve.  “Here you go, brother.”  He set cookie and coffee on the counter and named the price.

The brother held out the cash and Gamzee took it, both shadows brushing together for courtesy as he did.  

They went still, humans and shadows alike, when they felt the harmonics hit.

\--------------

Dirk twitched his hand back, staring at the cashier.

Hal felt jittery in his head.   _What. The. Fuck.  Why the fuck are we resonating with the cashier._

Dirk could feel the lingering shape of them, the cashier and his imposing shadow, printed across his mind.  It was like the image on the inside of your eyelids after staring into too bright a light.  He noticed after a minute that the hairs all across his body were prickling.  His face felt flushed.  Energy patterns aligning, he thought vaguely.  Complementary waveforms.  

Just a natural, coincidental, _deeply unsettling_ scientific phenomenon.  Statistical anomaly or whatever.  But now he knew why people gave so much credence to all those stupid romantic stories.  His heart tripped in his chest like a whole stampede of pretty ponies.

 _Heads up, bro_ , Hal said, and unfolded.

Dirk became aware that the cashier was backed against the wall, eyes huge and dark, shadow a vast seething shape around him.

“You keep your motherfucking hooks out of my soul,” he said, breathing hard.  His voice deepened, changing.  “ _You ain’t welcome_.”

The air went thick and electric.  The sense of minor unease that had been hanging over Dirk since he came into the shop abruptly became oppressive.  “Happy to,” Dirk said flatly, “Since I didn’t put any there in the first place.”  Hell, if he could feel that shadow warping the energy of the room all the way over here....  Hal stretched behind him, an ordinary human shape on the ground, but denser black than any normal shadow.  He wasn’t the type to threaten overtly.  

 _Can I stop behaving myself yet?_ Hal asked.

Over behind the counter, the cashier jerked and half raised one hand.

 _Yes, because escalating the situation is exactly what would help right now,_ Dirk thought to his shadow-brother, keeping a careful eye on that half-completed gesture.  Attack or defense, he couldn’t tell.

“Motherfucker don’t you _lie to me_ , I can feel you,” the cashier said roughly. “You’re all up in me, tangling in my head, seeping through my soulstuff.”  

The oppressive unease grew teeth. Skittery adrenaline pulses clawed up Dirk’s spine and the air went from thick to suffocating.

 _It seems he can escalate all on his own, bro,_ Hal said. _You want to wait ‘til this guy takes a piece out of us?_

 _No._ Time to get this situation into hand.  Dirk set his teeth against the mind-fogging miasma the other shadow was putting out.

 _Feeling a little cramped in here,_ Hal said. _Give us something to work with, hey?_

 _Getting there_.  Dirk turned his concentration to subdividing his consciousness, tuning his mind to a subset of resonances useful for offence. As he brought each aspect into focus, the shadow behind him on the floor split and split again, silhouettes fanning out behind him as Hal cast himself through each new soul lens.

Eyes wild, the cashier stared from Dirk to his multiplying shadow.  His mop of black hair splayed around his dark face like a miniature version of his aggressively sprawling shadow.  “What sly shadow fuckery are you being to invite into my best sister’s motherfucking shop!”  The coiling shape behind him stretched higher and began to seep across the ceiling.  Long tendrils flowed out between the fluorescent lights, tangling like giant sea kelp in unseen currents.

“Little bit hypocritical, dude.”  Dirk was keeping an eye on the tendrils collecting above him, ready to flashstep, when he heard Hal swear.

_Oh, you creeping bastard!_

The fastest of Hal’s shadow splinters leapt forward, intercepting a tendril of shadow going for Dirk’s ankles.  It had approached unnoticed by winding around the counter and sliding across the floor.  The two shadow-familiars intersected.

Dirk and the cashier staggered as the harmonics hit a second time, stronger than the first.

The room reverberated with displaced energy as both shadows recoiled.

 _You know that’s *hella* inconvenient, bro._ Hal sounded shaken.   _How do you expect us to get a grip on the slippery bastard if we keep going off like a damn bell every time he touches us?_

 _Not exactly doing this on purpose._ For as little exertion as he’d put out, Dirk felt oddly breathless.  The cashier also seemed to be breathing harder.  He was watching them closely.   _We can deal with this.  We just go no contact_.

_You’ve got the gunpowder.  Streak of fire?_

Dirk fought the urge to take a step back as the cashier stepped forward, glaring.   _We’re in.  Jane’s shop._

_I didn’t say burn it *down*._

The cashier’s shadow drew in on itself like a cobra about to strike.  Dirk did not like his odds if that entire force lunged for him at once.

 _Right, okay_ , he said and reached for the small pouch of gunpowder he carried for emergencies.   _Let’s finish this *now.*_

“ _What in the name of buttered crumpets do you boys think you’re doing to my shop?”_

Dirk and the cashier swung round to focus on the speaker.  The entire crackling mass of energy in the shop turned with them.

In the doorway to the back kitchens, Jane stood her ground, hands on hips, her shadow-sister a small dark shape on the wall behind her.  As the energy came to bear on her, she shook her head and smacked a hand onto the light switch.

The overheads went out.

The shadows dissolved into the semi-dark as the build-up of power and potential abruptly deflated.  

 _Ow,_ Hal said in a much smaller voice.   _Wow, cockblock._

Dirk blinked in disorientation as his and Hal’s power was curtailed by the drop in light.  It took a moment to stop reeling and pull his divided thoughts together.

“Didn’t have no need to do that, sister,” the cashier mumbled reproachfully. “I wasn’t gonna break nothing.”  In the dimness it looked like his shoulders were hunched, but he was sidling closer to Jane.  

The abrupt transition of the scene was almost paradoxical.  The sense of danger, which had seemed to come out of nowhere, had vanished just as quickly.  The cashier had gone from looming and almost feral, humming with power, to looking like he wanted to hide behind Jane, short and unimposing as she appeared in her flour-covered floral apron.

Jane raised her eyebrows.  “Not even my customers?”

The cashier hunched further.  “No ma’am. ...I mean, uh.  Sorry.”

“Thank you, Gamzee.”  Her eyes turned, equally unyielding, to Dirk.

He fought the urge to do some hunching of his own.  “I would like to establish that he started it.”

“And I bet you were planning to finish it, weren’t you, Mr. Strider?”

 _Busted_ , Hal sang, still faint and hard to hear in the dim daylight from the windows.   _Does she have your number, or what?_

 _The peanut gallery is cordially invited to shut their traps._ “I plead the fifth.”

Jane snorted.  Tapping one foot on the ground, she let the silence stretch.

“...I mean sorry, ma’am,” Dirk corrected himself.

Jane smiled and turned the lights back on.  Hal’s familiar weight settled on Dirk’s mind again.  “Apology accepted.  Now shake hands like gentlemen and agree to be civil.”

The cashier’s eyes widened--Gamzee, Dirk reminded himself.  Gamzee swallowed, looking between Jane and Dirk.  He stepped forward and slowly put out his hand, looking completely terrified.  And still determined to try.  Huh.  His less compliant shadow lurked across the counter underneath his arm, pitch black like the darkness at the back of a closet where the monsters hide.  

 _We can keep him off you,_ Hal murmured. _Go for it.  A little more resonance won’t kill us._

Dirk studied Gamzee’s face for a moment before letting out a short sigh.   _Yeah, but he looks like he’s not so sure it won’t.  I don’t know what he thinks just went down, but I don’t like feeling like someone else’s nightmare._ Deliberately, he took a step back.

“Dirk,” Jane started.

“Sorry, Jane.  No can do.  We’ve got a mad echo effect going on here every time we get handsy.”  He tilted his head toward Gamzee.  “It seems to unnerve some people.”

 _You, of course, were a model of serenity,_ Hal said.

Gamzee blinked, staring at Dirk.  His eyes were still wide, but now he seemed more caught aback by the sudden reprieve than afraid.  He glanced hopefully at Jane for ratification.

She looked between them, eyes narrowing in speculation.  Her eyebrows crept up higher at whatever conclusion she drew.  When she returned her attention to Dirk, her eyes were bright and blue behind her glasses in a way that was faintly alarming.  “I _see_.  In that case, I withdraw the stipulation.  And my apologies, Gamzee.  Why don’t you head into the back and see about unloading the truck for me.”

Gamzee relaxed visibly, angles fading from his shoulders. “Can do, sis.” He glanced at Dirk, mouth twitching into a puzzled half-smile. He opened his mouth, blinked, and closed it again. With a quick shake of his head, he absconded with his shadow.

“Well, well, well, Mr. Strider,”  Jane said, rounding on Dirk after Gamzee’s escape.  Her smile gleamed.  “This is a turn-up for the books.”

“Yeah, those books are just all over the ceiling; it’s a regular librarian’s tragedy.  Paper everywhere.  So.  In lieu of this book explosion conversation which we are definitely not going to have, let’s talk about my original reason for stopping by.”

“It’s Tuesday at 3 pm.  You stopped by for coffee and gossip after seminar.  I have cleverly deciphered your pattern and can now predict your every motion.  Now let’s return to the betting books, which are in complete disarray because a certain Mr. Strider has shocked the life out of the bookies by coming down soulstruck. Resonating, Dirk, really?  I thought you didn’t believe in fated souls.”

“I _believe_ that sometimes personal energy patterns have frequencies which can amplify each other,” Dirk said a little irritably.  “I don’t know why people place deep significance on basic extraplanar physics.”

“Tsk.  Where is your sense of romance?  Roxy manages to do the scientific genius thing without being a great gloomy gus about everything.”

“Jane.  Rude.  I was born with a congenitally-deformed romance gland and I’m very sensitive about it.”

Jane shook her head, leaning on the counter as she laughed. “I don’t believe that for a moment, Dirk Strider.”  She reached across to touch fingertips with him, brushing shadows in a familiar, friendly gesture.  He felt his lips quirk automatically at the warm press of her kindness and practicality, mingled with mischief barely held in check.  Behind her, her shadow swirled up the wall and held up bunny ears to her own silhouette.  “I’ve seen your idea of a grand gesture.  No fellow as lacking in romance as you claim to be could manage so much drama.  You big softie.”

“I reject all such aspersions.”

 _Dude, you are drama-central_.   _The only reason they don’t name you the drama queen is you wouldn’t fit in the tiara._

 _Not my fault they make those things so damn tiny_.  From the corner of his eye he caught Jane wincing.  “You okay, Crocker?”

She smiled apologetically.  “I think that ruckus earlier left me a bit discombobulated.  I don’t suppose I could trouble you two to turn it down a notch?  Just for now.”

Hal flinched, flaring darker with resentment.  A wave of guilt followed closely.  He coiled back into a tiny dark ball beneath Dirk’s shades, carefully constrained, the weight of him a self-blaming tightness at the back of Dirk’s mind.  Jane was surprisingly tolerant of Hal’s more in-your-face traits and he didn’t like her to suffer for it.

“Ah, that _is_ better,” Jane sighed.  “Thank you both.  So.” She flashed her terrifying smile again.  “This unnerving encounter of yours.  What _variety_ of unnerving did you find this resonance to be?”

Dirk gave her a flat stare.  “The variety of unnerving where I’m pretty sure your cashier tried to overshadow me.  He reacted to the resonance like he thought I was going to eat him or something.  What was up with that?  And what the hell is up with that dude’s familiar?  I mean, I know from weird familiars and I think that guy tops _me_.”

Jane lifted her eyebrows.  “It’s not a competition, Dirk.  As it happens, I don’t know much about Gamzee or his shadow.  He was in a bit of a bad spot when I came across him--you’ve seen how off-putting the two of them can be--so I thought he could do with something to keep him occupied.  He’s been very helpful around the store, actually.”

“He jump all your customers?”

Jane smiled sweetly.  “I guess you’re just special.”

“Well, he does seem to have the entire inventory memorized.  So that’s something I guess.”  He picked up his now cold coffee and cookie from where they’d been forgotten, eyeing the cookie uncertainly.  

“Dirk Strider, did he talk you into a cookie? I should give him a raise.”

“You can’t prove anything,” Dirk said, still eyeing the cookie in his hand.

“I promise it is against store policy to poison the baked goods.  You can relax your guard.”

Dirk gave her a level look.  Holding her gaze, he bit defiantly into the cookie.  Then he blinked.  If his eyes widened, the betrayal was safely concealed behind his shades.

“Holy shit,” he said mildly. “What are you lacing these things with?”

“Just a touch of anise,” Jane said smugly.  “And if you let slip to anyone I’ll have to do away with you and smuggle your body down to the river.”

Dirk blinked slowly, considering his cookie again.  “Is that a controlled substance?”

“It’s a seed, dear.  In the fennel family.  Good for settling the stomach and sweetening the breath.”

 _Note she didn’t actually answer the question,_ Hal commented.

In defiance of the risk of terminal anise addiction, Dirk ate the rest of the cookie, and the subject moved on to their usual gossip.  Dirk complained about his dissertation research and the students in his lab section.  Jane told funny stories about outrageous last minute orders and the one customer who whined whenever her cookies weren’t symmetrical.  

“...and she wanted me to bolster the immunomodulatory energies _in a cinnamon dish._ ”

“Holy fuck.  Would that-- I don’t even know what that would do.  I think it might explode.”

Jane drummed her hands idly on the counter.  “Close enough.  I’d certainly have one less annoying regular, but it would probably violate my business license.”

Dirk glanced at his phone.  “Shoot, I better head out.  Got a lab to TA in ten.”

“Go on then, I’ll clean up.  Oh, but before you go.  Did you ever find a new co-renter for your place?

“Shit no, I keep forgetting about that.”

“Oh, excellent.  Gamzee’s current housing is intolerable.  I’ll send him over tomorrow to take a look.”

 _Oh fuck, no,_ Hal muttered at the back of Dirk’s head.

Dirk stared at her.  “Crocker.  Evil.  Do we need to have the conversation about not arranging people’s lives like pawns for your amusement again?”

“If we did it would be nicely symmetrical,” she said brightly.  “I think I gave you that lecture last time.”

“You are _so_ lucky I’m in a hurry,”  Dirk said, stepping back from the counter and tossing his cup.

Jane gave him a cheshire smile of pure self-satisfaction.  “Luck.  Yes.  What a fortuitous coincidence that I have left you no time to argue with me.”

“I hate you.”

_You’re just mad that she outmaneuvered you, bro._

_Well, obviously.  I’m supposed to be the Machiavellian one here._

Jane waved her fingers.  “Have a good lab, now.  Shall I tell him 7 PM tomorrow?”

Dirk glared at her a long minute before relenting.  “Send some of those spice cookies with him and maybe we’ll let him in the door.”

 _And this time we’ll be ready for their freaky shenanigans,_ Hal said, radiating smug anticipation.

 _Oh lovely, we can burn down my apartment instead._ Rolling his eyes, Dirk stepped out onto the street.  It was hard to ignore his own mirroring anticipation when he could still feel the imprint of Gamzee’s soul on his mind, intricately furled and unknowable.

Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

 


End file.
